The Horned Melon
So last week I went to a Vancouver grocery store to get a carton of yogurt. While there the cereal aisle beckoned and I decided to buy a box of Captain Crunch as well, only the Captain Crunch box was written in French and it said something else which I can’t pronounce or remember. What I do remember is that one small box was $5.89 or you could buy two boxes for $7 if…..if you were a member of the Safeway Club. Well, being a member might look good on a resume but seeing how I wasn't going to be here long enough to gain any advantage from a club membership, I declined. That’s way too much to spend on a box of cereal. I might have done it back 
when the exchange rate was a million to one. Maybe. But the Canadian dollar is much stronger now and $5.89 (CN) today exchanges to roughly $ rip.off in US currency.
Surveying a few more aisles, I learned the entire store was set up that way. Safeway Club members got discounts. The rest of the consumer world got hosed. I made up my mind to boycott this unjust system even it meant going on a hunger strike. (I would quickly give it up, of course, if I got in a situation like Saddam Hussein and they tube-fed me the horned melon). On the way out, I discovered that the candy aisle was not subject to the two-price system so I bought a pack of Rolos for .99 cents and made my way to the express lane.
While in line, I also learned that Murphy’s Law is recognized as an international statute. The express lane suddenly slowed down to price checking gridlock. The young man in front of me had two pieces of the ugliest fruit I have ever seen. The girl behind the cash register didn’t know what these things were called, let alone how much they cost. “What are these?” she asked the consumer. He, a healthy, happy visitor from Germany, didn’t know. She proceeds to ask three other store clerks and all three of them didn’t have a clue either. She said maybe it’s that thing they call spiky melon. That thing, which was going to be eaten by this German, looked like a weapon from the crusades, useful for bludgeoning and braining infidels.
I asked him, “Are you going to eat that?”
“Yes”, he smiled.
“Have you ever eaten one of those?”
“No. You?”
“Nope. I’ve never seen such a thing.”
After what seemed like months in line had passed, the store clerk in fruits and vegetables informed the bagger boy who informed the register girl who informed us that the spiky melon was called a horned melon. The other piece of fruit was called dragon fruit, it looking about as ominous as the horned melon.
If I didn’t know it before, I knew it now. I was out of my element. The man behind me had tofu and soy milk. The guy in front of me had horned melon and dragon fruit. And I had a pack of Rolos.
When it came my time to go through the line, I told the girl, “These here are called Rolos. They are grown in the United States of America and they are very nutritious.”
when the exchange rate was a million to one. Maybe. But the Canadian dollar is much stronger now and $5.89 (CN) today exchanges to roughly $ rip.off in US currency.Surveying a few more aisles, I learned the entire store was set up that way. Safeway Club members got discounts. The rest of the consumer world got hosed. I made up my mind to boycott this unjust system even it meant going on a hunger strike. (I would quickly give it up, of course, if I got in a situation like Saddam Hussein and they tube-fed me the horned melon). On the way out, I discovered that the candy aisle was not subject to the two-price system so I bought a pack of Rolos for .99 cents and made my way to the express lane.
While in line, I also learned that Murphy’s Law is recognized as an international statute. The express lane suddenly slowed down to price checking gridlock. The young man in front of me had two pieces of the ugliest fruit I have ever seen. The girl behind the cash register didn’t know what these things were called, let alone how much they cost. “What are these?” she asked the consumer. He, a healthy, happy visitor from Germany, didn’t know. She proceeds to ask three other store clerks and all three of them didn’t have a clue either. She said maybe it’s that thing they call spiky melon. That thing, which was going to be eaten by this German, looked like a weapon from the crusades, useful for bludgeoning and braining infidels.
I asked him, “Are you going to eat that?”
“Yes”, he smiled.
“Have you ever eaten one of those?”
“No. You?”
“Nope. I’ve never seen such a thing.”
After what seemed like months in line had passed, the store clerk in fruits and vegetables informed the bagger boy who informed the register girl who informed us that the spiky melon was called a horned melon. The other piece of fruit was called dragon fruit, it looking about as ominous as the horned melon.
If I didn’t know it before, I knew it now. I was out of my element. The man behind me had tofu and soy milk. The guy in front of me had horned melon and dragon fruit. And I had a pack of Rolos.
When it came my time to go through the line, I told the girl, “These here are called Rolos. They are grown in the United States of America and they are very nutritious.”
posted by TLT | 9:37 AM
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